you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize