Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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