I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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