I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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