Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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