sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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