i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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