Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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