That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
