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Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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