But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
