I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
