I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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