Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
