I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
