Im at strip club and am horny
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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