Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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