She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
