this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
