4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
