Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
