I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
