chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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