4 words: hood of his car
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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