Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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