Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How many fucks given?
0.12846
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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