When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
