New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
