I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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