He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
