He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
