So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize