Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
