Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
