Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
