so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
