the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
