DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
