just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
