I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize