im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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