First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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