All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
