You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
