I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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