I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
