Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I cannot find my penis.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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