...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
