Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
