We need to rekindle our bromance
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
