On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
