If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
