Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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