She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
