All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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