"it" just moved
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize