There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
