Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
