dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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