So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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