lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm always down for nudity.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize