If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
