she looked like the before picture.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't notice because vodka
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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