my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
