We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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